installing themes and modules and update manager problems

hi, okay i admit i am pathetic, I am missing something obvious, but honestly I dont know what. the aegir system i have installed is just for me, just for my sites, I am the owner and admin, i assign usernames and passwords for my sites. . i finally tried to install themes and modules on some of the sites i made, and each time have have tried to do so, its jumps to the update manager
"Error message Failed to connect to the server. The server reports the following message:
Cannot connect to FTP Server, check settings

For more help installing or updating code on your server, see the handbook.
WARNING: You are not using an encrypted connection, so your password will be sent in plain text. Learn more."

the problem is its asked for
ftp username and password, and the localhost and port number.
i try the username and password for the specific site, it doesnt work. i try the usernames and passwords for octopus and octopus ftp it doesnt work, i try the root username and pw, it doesnt work. i also change the port number to my custom port number it doesnt workl. none of these combinations and port numbers work, and i have tried it across several sites. what am i doing wrong? thanks